There’s this little pin that I absolutely adore, because it hits the issue it aims for at dead center. It’s a pin with pitiless precision.
Your Hummer looks stupid, it says.
Boy, isn’t that the truth? Whether they’re practical vehicles or not, whether they’re efficient or not, whether they’re ethical or not, a Hummer SUV just looks dumb.
The Hummer brand motto is “like nothing else”, but that’s just not true. A Hummer looks a lot like a box with a box on front. A Hummer looks like something that a 6 year-old kid with Lego blocks would put together. A Hummer looks like a box of animal crackers, but without any animals on it. A Hummer looks like the shoes the Frankenstein monster wore.
A Hummer looks stupid, and a person who drives a Hummer looks stupid too.
It’s a superficial point, but it’s an essential one, because people who drive Hummers don’t think that they look stupid. They are actually so clueless as to believe that, driving down the road in one of these uglymobiles, they look hot. Hummer owners think that they get respect because of the vehicles they drive.
What kind of loser needs a vehicle to get respect? Who needs to have an ugly ride like a Hummer to feel good about themselves? The answer: A Hummer owner. I feel sorry for them. They must have a lousy self-esteem to try to compensate so much for it. I’m reminded of a bumper sticker I found once in a little environmentalist catalog: “You know what they say: Big Hummer, Little…”
People who own Hummers are not deep people. They’re not philosophical people. They’re not sophisticated, and they don’t waste much time with high minded ideals. So, arguing with a Hummer owner about the environmental harm their vehicles cause, or about how damaging to the American economy and foreign relations their wasteful, gas-guzzling ways are won’t do much good.
You have to speak to a Hummer driver in a language that will be understood. Tell them the basic truth: Your Hummer is ugly, and it makes you look like an idiot.
2 responses so far ↓
1 designgeek // Apr 3, 2008 at 9:07 am
You are such an individual… I am soooo impressed… there are so few whiney misinformed pseudo environmentalists that you really are a breath of fresh air. I would like to cordially invite you to suck on the tailpipe of your Prius. I find it ironic (you won’t) that this post is about how things look. I rarely, if ever, read a post from someone like yourself that isn’t terribly concerned with how they look to the public. The majority of “environmental” concern these days is about how the author looks… people drive cars like the Prius to be seen as concerned because they want to be thought of as smart,… usually, as a vain attempt to cover up the fact that they are stupid. Truth is, the Hummer, especially the interior, is gorgeous and you are making value judgments on about the people who ascribe to the brand qualities that the Hummer chases after.
Personally, I am going to always drive cars that get decent or better gas mileage… American cars. I hope that there are more options very soon. But you are weakening the cause by acting like the stereotypical whiney bitch and trying to change the topic. If Hummers got Prius mileage, they would be one of the most popular cars in the world, and you know it. Saying otherwise, … shines a light on your little mind, and hurts the argument for smaller carbon footprints from all vehicles. My unsolicited advice: stick to the issues.
2 designgeek // Apr 9, 2008 at 11:40 pm
P.S. – I drive a Hummer. Damn how you got me pegged.
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